


Spontaneity

by WishIwasMeg



Category: Benton Fraser/ Margaret Thatcher, due South
Genre: F/M, Humour. One use of the "f" word in its literal sense.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:54:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24056278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WishIwasMeg/pseuds/WishIwasMeg
Summary: Ben and Ray V have an in-car conversation with Ben being, well, Ben at his Benniest.
Relationships: Ben/Meg
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	Spontaneity

Constable Benton Fraser climbed into Detective Ray Vecchio’s car outside the Canadian consulate in Chicago and as usual placed his stetson on the dashboard. As they drove off, Ray noticed something catching the light on Fraser’s left hand.

“What’s that on your finger, Benny?”  
“It’s a ring, Ray.”  
“Yeah, I can see it’s a ring. It looks kinda like a wedding ring.”  
“That’s correct, Ray.”  
“Why are you wearing a wedding ring, Benny?”  
“Because I’m married.”  
“You can’t be married.”  
“Why not?”  
“You weren’t married this time yesterday.”  
“Nobody’s married before they get married, Ray.”  
“So you got married?”  
“Yes.”  
“When?”  
“Last night.”  
“How can you be married when I know for a fact that you aren’t even dating anybody?”  
“What exactly do you mean by dating, Ray?”  
“For crying out loud! What does anybody mean by dating? Going out with a female of the opposite sex..…dancing….. dining……movies.”  
“Well, I suppose by that definition no, I was not dating anyone, Ray.”  
“But…?”  
“But what?”  
“How can you marry someone if you don’t date them first to get to know them?”  
“There are other ways of getting to know someone, Ray.”  
“Such as?”  
“I’d rather not say.”  
“You’d rather not say.”  
“That’s correct.”  
“But you got to know someone well enough to marry them?”  
“Yes.”  
“And you didn’t think to tell me you were getting married?”  
“Well I would have, Ray, but it was all rather spontaneous.”  
“You got married ‘spontaneously’?”  
“Yes, Ray.”  
“And where did this spontaneous wedding take place?”  
“At the consulate.”  
“Lemme get this straight. You were at the consulate last night and you just decided spontaneously to get married?”  
“That’s correct.”  
“Explain!”  
“Well, there was a diplomatic function and all the foreign attachés and their partners were there and there was dancing and the wine was flowing freely and the wife of the French chargé d’affaires said ‘It’s obvious you two are absolutely crazy about each other. Why don’t you get married?’ She said it in French, of course. I’m translating for your benefit. So we did”  
“Did what?”  
“Got married.”  
“So you asked someone to marry you just like that?”  
“Yes.”  
"Who?”  
“Who what?”  
“Who did you ask to marry you?”  
“Oh, I asked Father Domenico from the Italian diplomatic mission who by a happy coincidence was a guest at the reception. There’s a small chapel in the consulate, you know.”  
“No, Benny. I don’t mean who performed the ceremony.” Ray spoke slowly and distinctly as if addressing a backward three-year-old. “WHO…DID… YOU… MARRY?”  
“I think you mean ‘whom’, Ray.”  
“For crying out loud! I am going to strangle you, Fraser. WHO DID YOU GET MARRIED TO LAST NIGHT?”  
“Oh, I see what you mean. Inspector Thatcher.”

Detective Raymond Vecchio almost caused a major automobile pile-up on hearing this piece of news.

“You married the Dragon Lady?”  
“Please don’t call my wife by that name, Ray.”  
“You can’t have!”  
“Why not?”  
“She can’t stand the sight of you.”  
“I would beg to differ.”  
“You beg to differ?”  
“I have reason to believe that she is in fact extremely fond of me. And I have loved her ever since the first day I met her when, as you will no doubt recall, she dismissed me from the RCMP over that unfortunate misunderstanding about my uniform. It’s all water under the bridge now, of course, or should I say ‘water under the bank vault’?” 

At this rare outburst of humour Fraser chortled.

“Is getting married like that even legal in this country? What about the licence?”  
“There were plenty of international lawyers there. They assured us it was all perfectly legal under both American and Canadian law. And we were of course on Canadian soil in the consulate.”  
“So last night you were at a consulate shindig and you and the Drag…Inspector Thatcher…… decided to get married there and then. How did you manage to get hold of rings at that time of night if it was all so spontaneous?”  
“Ah, luckily I had my late parents’ wedding rings in my desk drawer so we used them for the ceremony.”  
“But Meg Thatcher comes over as an ice-cold b…… Er, I don’t think unbridled passion is her scene, Benny. I doubt if she’ll be very interested in the, er, intimate side of marriage, if you get my drift.”  
“Again, I would beg to differ.”  
“You mean you….”  
“I’m happy to say that our union has been very satisfactorily consummated.”  
“Is that Canadian for you’ve actually fucked her?”  
“Really, Ray! Must you use such crude language?”  
“Oh my God! Are you telling me you’ve actually had sex with Thatcher?”  
“It’s quite usual for married couples to indulge in carnal relations, Ray.”  
“Well I’ll be!”  
“You’ll be what, Ray?“  
“I’ll be forever puzzled by Mounties… and Canadians. Canadian Mounties. I’ll never understand them. But congratulations, Benny. I wish you and the Inspector every happiness and lots of little baby dragons.”  
“Thank you, Ray. I’ll pass on your good wishes to my Meg. By the way, are you aware that you just went through a red light?…… Did I ever tell you that among the Inuit……..”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what the marriage laws are in Illinois, Canada or diplomatic premises anywhere. Please, dear readers, just go with the flow on this one for the sake of the story.


End file.
